Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He has the fingertips of a God
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize