He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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