my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
