yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
