Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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