I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
