"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
