what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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