she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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