Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
