so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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