if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
