I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
