I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
