I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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