Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
