I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
