I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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