new low.... made out with someone while peeing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
