ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
