So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
