He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
