He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
