pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
