words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
