Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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