Your mouth is God's brothel.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
