he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
