My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my fart just growled at me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
