I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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