o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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