she pinky promised me she was 18
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
