a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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