Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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