he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
