I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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