My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
