just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His hands were made for my vagina.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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