Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
