You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
