Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
