my being single is dangerous.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
