So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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