R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
