I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
