A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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