he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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