She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I see more hoeing in ur future
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
