Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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