You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
