as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
