heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
