Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
