hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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