I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
