I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
