Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
