I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
