It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need moral support for this bender
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
