She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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