I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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