I wanna bring you to show and tell
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
