she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
