There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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