she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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