so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry about my life...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
