New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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