right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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