hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
