omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
