after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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